Top 25 Punk Rock Christmas Songs of all time.
I don't take my countdowns lightly; this is a list that I have been working on, updating, and rearranging for years. Every year after Thanksgiving, like anyone else, I like to play holiday songs throughout the holidays (this is just the top 25, of course the full play list is much longer). For purposes of this countdown, I'll limit it to one song per band (so that albums like Bad Religion's "Christmas Songs,” MxPx's “Punk Rawk Christmas,” and The Vandals “Oi! To The World” don't dominate the entire list). If you read my reviews, you know that I prefer faster songs. I'm also partial to bands that make the songs their own (versus straight-up covers), bands that tour and play the songs live, the addition of humor, and a good video. So here it is, the countdown to the best punk rock Christmas song of all time. If you have one to add, comment at the end, and I’ll review it for my updated list for next year.
(Runner Up) Me First and the Gimme Gimmes “Santa Baby”
They aren’t for everyone, but Me First and The Gimme Gimmes are one of the few bands that I just never get tired of. Spike Slawson is one of the best frontmen in show business; their shows are always entertaining, and the rotating list of members is always stellar. As I listen to this, I can literally see Spike performing it in my mind (with his ukulele in hand). This one is relatively new and still growing on me, so I’ll call it a runner-up. This next one’s a cover….
(Runner Up) The Boy Detective “I renounce Verdukianism”
This one is too new to formally place in the countdown, so by next year it may be up further. This one is by a local band, and at first I didn’t realize it was a Christmas song. Apparently, Verdukianism (similar to Festivus from Seinfeld) is a holiday that was started by a TV show (30 Rock). Verdukians believe in the healing power of root beer and that a man can have up to 9 wives if 2 of them are male. I haven’t watched that episode, but one day I will catch up. The song is great, and the band is great. Check this one out.
#25 The Descendents “Christmas Vacation”
From the classic LP “I Don’t Want To Grow Up," Descendents give us their take on Christmas. Far from the best song on the album, but it’s good enough to make the list of the top 25 Christmas songs.
#24 Masked Intruder “Silent Night”
Masked Intruder with a classic song, of course turned into a crime spree. “Its Christmas, so just let us steal!”. I sure hope they get out of jail before Christmas this year. If you like this one, check out their full Christmas EP “Under the Mistletoe”.
#23 Screeching Weasel “Christmas Eve”
For you record collectors, Screeching Weasel just released this on vinyl for the first time. I love Ben Weasel’s voice and songwriting, and this is a great song, but it doesn’t quite pack the punch that some of their best songs do. Still worth a spin every year at Christmas time (and the B-side is a New Years song). Thanks again, Ben, and I also wish that Christmas time would last forever.
#22 The Groovie Ghoulies “Christmas On Mars”
Christmas on Mars, yeah, they don’t have no shopping malls. This one has been around for over 20 years, so it’s nearing classic territory. The Groovie Ghoulies were one of the first bands to play Ramonescore, and they are one of the best to do it. This is also one of their best songs.
#21 Nerf Herder “I’ve Got A Boner For Christmas”
Did I mention that this countdown is not for kids? This one didn’t get censored (at least one further up in the countdown did), but maybe it should have. Props to Nerf Herder for a bit of humor and putting the punk in the punk Christmas song countdown.
#20 Face to Face “Merry Christmas”
Face to Face does their take on Christmas. This is a fairly rare song I’ve heard, from an obscure compilation album back in the 2000’s. One of their best songs to boot.
#19 The Ramones, “Merry Christmas I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight”
It’s The Ramones; need I say more? I’m sure a lot of readers would have this higher on their list, and I wouldn’t necessarily disagree. It’s a great song, but there was a lot of competition.
#18 Goldfinger “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”
Goldfinger has an entire Christmas EP, and all of the songs are good (having the entire EP is what puts them just ahead of The Ramones). This is my pick to represent them in the countdown, but you should check out their entire EP if you are making your own playlist.
#17 The Dwarves “Drinkin’ Up Christmas”
Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without The Dwarves; well I could actually say that about any day in my life. The Dwarves have consistently been one of the best punk rock bands in the world, so it makes sense that their Christmas song makes the list.
#16 The Bollweevils “White Christmas”
A great take on this song, which will appear in this list several times. The Bollweevils do it right, speeding it up and adding their own spin. Punk rock.
#15 Bad Religion “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”
Bad Religion’s “Chrismas Songs” is probably the best overall Christmas album by a punk band, every song is good. If you like Bad Religion (and who doesn’t?), I’m sure this album is a staple of your holidays. It didn’t rank higher mainly because most of the songs are too close to the originals. They found a great way to perform a classic Christmas song, with a Bad Religion sound, and then applied it to them all. No complaints here, I spin this every year. During family gatherings where I can’t play the full playlist (for obvious reasons) this one is my go-to.
#14 The Putz “Ho, Ho, Ho Let’s Go!”
The Putz is another band with a full Christmas EP, this time originals (at least I assume so). These are a cut above the rest, and even if they weren’t Christmas songs I would still be spinning them. Again, this is just one song that I chose to represent their EP. If you are building your own punk Christmas playlist you are going to want to track down the entire EP.
#13 88 Fingers Louie, “All I Want For Christmas”
A great take on this song; a little off beat, but I used to sing this as a kid. Another one that is sped up, to add an unmistakable punk rock sound. 88 Fingers Louie are a severely underrated band, so check this out and then check out their entire discography.
#12 Sloppy Seconds “Lonely Christmas”
I can’t say enough about how good Sloppy Seconds is. In my opinion, one of the greatest punk rock bands of all time. I love their band, I love this song, and I hope their Christmas isn’t actually lonely.
#11 The Toy Dolls “Credit Crunch Christmas”
Olga has the perfect voice for a song like this. The Toy Dolls are amazing, and this is a great song. Almost made the top ten; it was a tough call. It beat out about 100 other songs to take the #11 spot, so have a listen and let me know if you don’t agree.
#10 No Use For A Name “Fairytale of new york”
R.I.P. Tony Sly. One of the best Christmas songs ever written (originally by The Pogues), done perfectly by NUFAN (with guest vocals from Cinder Block from Tilt). #10 is a nod to all three bands, and a great song.
#9 The Suicide Machines “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch”
I’m partial to The Suicide Machines, as they are local and are one of my favorite bands. But this song speaks for itself. Solid top 10 pick.
#8 Batallion of Saints “Jingle Bells”
Amazing song, by an amazing band, Batallion Of Saints. This is one of the more underrated punk Christmas songs, but definitely belongs in the top 10. If you aren’t familiar with them, their recently released 2xCD (“Complete Discography”) is essential listening.
#7 The Vandals “A Gun For Christmas”
I’m guessing a lot of people would have picked “Oi! To The World” (or even the No Doubt or 30 Foot Fall covers of “Oi! To The World”), given that there is only one song per band. That one is nearly as good and it was a hard choice, but I’m partial to “Gun For Christmas." #7 represents both. They have plenty of other great Christmas songs as well (check out their album, “Oi! To The World!). The Vandals and Christmas always go together.
#6 MxPx “Auld Lang Syne”
Just a perfectly executed cover. MxPx is another punk band with a Christmas album “Punk Rawk Christmas”, and you should check out the entire album. “Auld Lang Syne” was my favorite, of course being partial to their speedy punk rock version.
#5 NOFX “Christmas Has Been X’d”
NOFX is my all-time favorite band, so it’s no wonder that their Christmas song ranks high. It’s an original song, it’s great, it’s by NOFX, and there is a great video to go along with the song. What more could you want?
#4 Dropkick Murphys, “The Season’s Upon Us”
It was hard to admit that this one is better than NOFX, my all-time favorite band, but it is. Great song and even greater video. I play the video for my family over the holidays every year; it’s almost a tradition. And we all laugh every time. It’s not the holidays without it.
#3 Pennywise “Christmas In Hell”
This is just a great song, even if it wasn’t about Christmas. Pennywise did it up right; this one rips. I’d be turning it way up at this point in the playlist.
#2 Fear “Fuck Christmas”
This one speaks for itself. Fear was one of the bands that introduced me to punk rock; this song is angry and profanity-laden, and I’ve gotten to see it played live a couple of times. Lee Ving is the man, and he’s still out there doing it after all these years. It looks like the video may be censored, so if you aren’t seeing it, make sure to go directly to YouTube and track it down.
#1 Direct Hit! “I Ain’t Dreaming Of A White Christmas”
This is actually a cover, the original being by The Priceduifkes. The original is a great song as well, but I just like the Direct Hit! version better. “This song goes out to fucking Santa Claus and all the fucking reindeer in the motherfucking North Pole. This song is called White Christmas Fucking Sucks!”. Even when it’s not Christmas, when this comes on, my stereo goes to full volume. My favorite Christmas song of all time. Merry Christmas!
